Forgiving my brother…when I don’t want to forgive…when he doesn’t deserve it!

In my family there are six of us supporting my Mom’s housing and personal care.

Without going in too deep, she is 82 and in her declining years…a few years ago she had a stroke but she is better now and still the Mom I know.

When she was not doing well in a senior living home, we decided to bring her home. This was a big decision, one that we all committed to help spread the financial cost.

We refurbished her mobile home to a newness that rivals real houses, with all new appliances a roll in shower, a full time live in caregiver and all the pleasant accommodations she deserves.

This commitment grew financially over the years and my share is now at $675.00 per month, for some of us, where other family members the cost is reduced, who are living near Mom & provide weekend care giving to give the live in caregiver a break.

After a few years one of my family members became unemployed and stopped giving all of his committed share cost. So the burden fell on the others.

Well now that brother stopped giving almost altogether, down to a token couple hundred dollars. This caused the family savings account to go broke, paying for his share while he did nothing to help or pay it back.

WE became bitter and angry at first because we knew Mom let him live with her as he went to college and paid for his food and housing, he finally got married and moved out while in his 30’s. What the rest of us can’t figure out is even though he received his Master’s Degree as a CPA he said he could not find work…for two years.

We all have given until it hurts and more is still required for additional costs that come up.
Now many of Mom’s pleasures are gone. Like internet, her food allowance in addition to food stamps, only basic cable, no money to give presents or even a card to her 6 children, the grandchildren, or great grandchildren, even if she wanted to.

With all that said and as my sister Maria manages Mom’s affairs, (A true saint) and continues to send emails to my brother Sandy, who is not paying his shared amount, the emails go without a positive response.
Each time I am CC’d on one of these emails, I cringe in my flesh because of the disgust with my brother’s lack of action and support for Mom. I must remind myself each day that I am a child of God, a soldier in an army with a higher calling, one of Peace, Love, and selflessness when it comes to helping others.

With that said and after receiving a response email from my oldest brother, who responded with inflamed words towards my brother Sandy, I felt I had to send this response email below:

WebHolyman’s response…

I have a few words to share here and not just to Romolo, so please ALL of you listen to me please!

Although Romolo verbalized what I was thinking and how I really feel towards Sandy as well, I keep reminding myself of the following:

Maria, I am not telling you to stop emailing Sandy with your words of instruction and encouragement, please keep doing this.
I believe God honors our commitment to Mom in our providing for her when she cannot provide for herself, it’s GOD working through us to bless his obedient servant who honored her commitment to us when Dad left us and when she was alone and suffering, yet unwavering in her faith to keep us together and raise us to be good people and how to love and forgive others…. but more so now WE can honor Mom by our walking through this test of love and faith and obedience to GOD and our desire to please him…each day, minute, hour, when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in his time.
We must continue to forgive (our job), by faith, until the work of forgiveness (the Lord’s job), is done in our hearts.
but WE need to forgive Sandy for his attitude towards Mom’s financial needs because in the bible it tells us God will NOT/CANNOT hear our prayers otherwise because we have sin in our heart…..and I pray a lot!
If we forgive, our prayers are heard……I talk to God in my own way and when I do this, I share the fleshly man that I am and my fleshly thoughts with Him as I pray and lift my voice to God…..every single day without fail….if I did not I feel I would be lost…once again!

My daily prayer re: Loving my brother
Father God, I ask you to forgive me for my thoughts this day and I ask for forgiveness for my brother Sandy; for not keeping to his freaking commitment, for his freakin laziness, for his disrespect, for his unthankfulness, for his belligerence and all the pain and suffering he has caused this family. I know forgiveness goes against my nature because I don’t want to do it, and I struggle daily knowing your word instructs me to forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. I pray…beg you to help me to trust you to do the work in us and in Sandy, that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete. Help me to be the person you made me to be …loving others…including my brother, because you loved me when I was still the same belligerent asshole and you forgave me and loved me when I was a prisoner in my mind, against obedience and living by faith. Help me to walk by faith help me to pray when I can’t find the words, when my heart is cold and my spirit feels dark towards my brother, Likewise bless my brothers and sisters who give of themselves tirelessly on a daily basis and work hard to provide for their families, bless the work that they do and keep them safe this day, In el nombre de Jesus Christo, Amen!

I love you all and my heart and prayers are with US daily…to be the people Mom raised us to be but more so to be the LOVING people God desires us to be.

Let’s ALL see where we can each dig a little deeper to provide Mom with the few things she is asking for.
Maria please put an accurate list together with the title and cost of each of the things Mom is asking for.
I want to help become the solution to the need instead of (by nature) wanting to throw Sandy in the fire…he’s already in hell! …that’s the problem.

All my Love,

Tomas (aka WebHolyman)

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