I keep telling myself, as each week passes it will get easier, but that’s just a lie!
Every day that passes I feel the pain. My mind plays back the video of my little boy from birth, and the thousands of moments as images of his life, racing through my mind.
I didn’t stop to record those images on paper or digitally, but they are burned in my mind. Every day I see new ones to remind me of his life as he grew up, so many of the things we did together. Then I remember so many things I missed.
On my visits with Judah as an adult suffering with his daemons, at times our visits were normal encouraging moments, however, most were spent listening to him babbling about things that made no sense at all. I am searching for both, a way to honor Judah, and healing from the pain of his loss.
Time is not my friend. I’m afraid it will never stop the hurt. I don’t want to stop my powerful recall of the pleasant memories of him, but the more recent struggles leading to his passing are equally powerful and ever present memories, I am torn between them.
I pray God, for your mercy and strength, to guide my mind and heal my painful memories and help me to use them for good and to help others like Judah who are still here suffering. Guide me oh Lord!
Below is the video I played at his memorial. I am still slowly working on producing a video of the service held on Friday, August 3rd, 2018. It was exactly one month following his death. I want to thank all those who came to pay their respect and share the love they experienced with Judah. It meant a lot to you but even more to me, his father. I also thank Pastor Thomas Kidd and Pastor Mark, for sharing their kind words and providing spiritual strength.
More to share in the coming days…but for now just remembering!